Disclaimer
Hey y'all, I know I have not posted anything since the New Year. I have written a couple unfinished posts, but I just didn't feel like I could post them. I want everything I post to be kind, candid, relate-able, light hearted and above all glorifying to my heavenly father. So as I type know that although not well organized, each post has been prayed over, and I'm taking this very seriously. I love when I come away reading something very inspirational, funny, and informative. Its motivating and I want everyone who reads my blog to feel that way. It wont always happen mostly because you can't please everyone. That being said, lets dive in.
Today is the 14th day of Lent in case you didn't know that. Lent -- also if you didn't know -- is a time of reflection and preparation for Easter. Lent has been something I've "done" for as long as I can remember. I was raised Catholic and my parents would make it a point to teach my brother and me what it means to "sacrifice" by having us give up something for the 40 days and nights leading up to holy week. It didn't hold much meaning for me back then. It was more like, "Boo. I can't have candy for what feels like FOREVERRRRR." Now, in the past couple years it has shook me to my core what this season is for. Maybe because I'm getting older, or possibly my role as a wife and a mother, I'm not that sure. But this season of my life is when God decided to rock my world and get me back on track. My "annual sacrifice" [bleh, how shallow does that sound? ] is to give my beloved Facebook/social media a break.
[Side bar: I'm not cool. Not even a little bit. I don't know how to play it cool either. I am the annoying person blowing up your news feed about how cute my kid is every day since 7am. I like to make it my diary. I've used it as a pedestal and to point fingers. You know the sort of person I'm talking about right? "The Facebooker". Yep that's me. My name is Tori Nordyke and I'm a facebooker. You have full permission to hate on me. I will probably just write a passive aggressive status in retaliation like the best of them, because my maturity level exceeds all. Pffff. Anywho...]
I've always enjoyed my time-out [not to mention its so needed] and since it has definitely played a big part in my social life since becoming a mom because lets be honest its not what it used to be. Try rollin up in the club with a baby on your hip. [ok I've never done that and would not advise you to either just for the sake of all but you get my point] I think I'm staying connected and I think its helping me feel good. I have to choose to read a book or play farm animals with Bentley instead of browsing my newsfeed for Lord knows how long. "Oh, you're home already honey? That 12 hours sure went fast." [That's you too don't you deny it] I choose to give my attention after B goes to sleep to Cole as well.
Now, we are going to take another step back and look at my New Years Resolution. I have been feeling pretty poopy lately. Yep, poopy. I am a mom guys, work with me. When I say lately I mean in the past few years. Physically, mentally, emotionally, any kind of way it was not good. I dabbled in some explanation in my last post. So, instead of feeling sorry for myself for the...I don't know 22nd year in a row, I resolved to change. I chose. I know, I know, "New Year, New Me" blah blah blah. Its not all that original. None the less I have been on the pursuit of happiness ever since. Let me tell you. Its been eye opening.
I started with finding a set time to go to the gym. My post baby body has been just less than thrilling to me so it was first on my list for change [as it is for most of...everyone]. So, Let's here it for the 5am-ers! Woop Woop! Brace yourselves lads, I actually enjoy it. Does it make it easier to listen to that obnoxious sound emanating from my phone at 4:15am? No. I'll repeat that. No. But I choose to wake-up and put in the effort. Do I like the deserted highway, the focused-fellow-gym-go-ers (are you allowed to hyphenate that many times? yikes)? Do I like that, although I am head over heels in love with my sweet, almost two year old, Bentley Boo, I get to spend a good chunk of time solo? OH YES to all of the above. It's the little things that are making my transformation into a gym rat worth it and saying yes to the choice less bothersome.
The next thing I did was to also set time aside for God. Wow. My life is so busy I have to carve out time for the one who gives me the time of day? Gross. Unfortunately that's what I've come to. I am so consumed by anxieties and "whoa-is-me-ness" that I just made sure I was never in the silence of my heart. From sun up until sun down it was check list time. Now, I only really started hitting all this hard in the past 2 weeks so I can't honestly sit here and tell you I'm completely different. Its not always automatic. I have to choose to do it. I'm just getting there. The goal of being all knowing is not attainable because God is too amazing to figure out. But every day I make a choice to, roll out of bed and slink over to the gym, come home, make breakfast for my sweet husband, and spend time just hanging out with my creator.
Honesty check guys. I wasn't sure where this post was headed and to be honest it still has its fuzzy spots but to tie these ends together I'm going to share with you my devotional for the day. I'm reading from She Reads Truth's Lent study called Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross. Today's reading was named, Wash Me Lord. I wont give you too much of an interpretation because I could not do it justice. I also am no theologian. But its leaving me awestruck at how applicable everything I'm reading has been to my life so far. Although I'm no stranger to these jaw dropping moments I am going to share with you, I still find myself left in wonder of his AWESOMENESS. Here I am going on and on about all these things to make myself better. None of which I could do on my own. These things are purely physical. This morning I read something that really resonated with what I'm trying to explain. When our soul is sick we seek physical comfort.. She gave examples of bubble baths, chocolate, and pedicures. I love me some chocolate and I will never turn down a pedicure. It does do the job for the moment. Can I get an amen? You've never left the spa after a massage thinking I will never do that again I would rather clean the toilet, its cheaper. Well...maybe you have...in that case forget it, and you and I can't be friends then. Okay, just kidding. Where was I? Oh yes. God is the only way I'm ever going to feel that fire again. I'm his daughter and my pain is his pain. He finds me and wants me to just come sit in his lap just how I am. He doesn't care how far away you are. He will meet you there. What a friend, right? Do you have a friend that will just go any distance to be with you when you're less than exciting to be around? Rare. Somewhere someone says no. No judgment, I stink as a friend sometimes, I stink as a mom at least once a day, I stink as a wife very often, but what does that mean to Him?
"I don't have to run to defend myself.
Christ calls us to repentance, and He is our DEFENDER."
Whaaaaat? That's pretty cool. We are simply asked to repent, soften our hearts, and just repent. "I'm sorry for wondering God. I got pretty messy out there, will you clean me up?" in my head the response to that is something like "UM YESSS!! What took you so long? I've been waiting for you!" Maybe its just me but that gets me pretty giddy. He doesn't hold it against me that I have fallen off the Facebooker wagon again since last year. I can forget and knowingly put off my daily devotion and he loves me still. I can look a certain way, I can be a naggy wife, a unfit mother, and his answer is "Let me clean you up. I got your back." Who needs more of that in their life? ME! When sticky fingers wont stop touching...everything and I lash out unnecessarily, I want to choose forgiveness. When unavoidable arguments with your ball and chain [ha] I want to choose love. But for when[not if.] I don't, because I decided to go out on my own, I want to chose God. He's got my back. It doesn't matter what I did. He's there.
Alright, so this post is all over the place. Bare with me. So in your day today, you feel 'stinky' about how you treated your spouse, again, or brushing your toddler off because you did not want to read 5 Little Monkeys one.more.time even though you know how happy it makes him, or because you're feeling stinky about your weight, just whatever it is go back to what you know. God will defend you. Chose him. Say, "I AM sorry for messing that up today, will you help me be better next time." I can guarantee his answer will be "YES". Every time.
Okay to wrap it up, I think all I was supposed to do here was maybe share my excitement of my own recent events. Maybe get someone else excited again. That's what I love. I love to feel the excitement and to just explode from the mouth. [Ew. That's not as gross as it sounds.] It doesn't make sense while I'm typing or literally word vomiting all over everyone when I'm pumped up about something and I'm not hiding behind my screen. But its what gets me going. Maybe that's why I'm a facebooker. If you have kept up with me, in this post, God bless ya. At any rate, you have the choice to do something right now, and it's a good feeling. Join me in choosing God today. Choose love today. Choose to do better. Choose happiness.
